3 techniques to overcome the sexual barriers


Sexual barrier is a subconscious prohibition of pleasure or some kind of action associated with arousal. It appears due to the conflict that arises between the perception that was formed in childhood and adult sexuality. Many parents said "no" for everything related to the study of their own bodies and intimate experiences. As a result, we come into adulthood with a baggage of undiscovered feelings.

“Good girls do not talk about sex, but do it silently under a blanket and in the dark,” the subconscious tells us in the voice of parents, teachers and educators. All this leads to physical “clips” during intercourse, for example, the inability to make sounds, move or talk about sex for fear that a partner will judge us.

Such barriers are difficult to overcome without the help of a psychotherapist and a sexologist. Trying to cope on their own, many women begin to pretend to be the “goddess of sex” trying to keep up with the sexual revolution, which dictates: “You have to be sexy, you have to shout loudly in bed, you have to have an orgasm. Otherwise you are not a woman. ” As a result, the "clamp" goes even deeper, and women begin to imitate an orgasm.

The latest study of the training center "Sex.RF" showed that 53% of women pretend to be in bed only to give pleasure to their partner. This epidemic of visibility. How to detect the "symptoms" of sexual blocks? Very simple:

  • Stiffness of movements and sounds, fear of making sounds during sex or moving.
  • Orientation to the pleasure of the partner and non-involvement in the process.
  • Demonstrative sexuality in the absence of excitement.
  • Curbing your sexual sensitivity (lack of sensation during sex).
  • Lack of relaxation.
  • Feeling guilty for the fact that the actions of the partner did not lead you to orgasm.
  • Difficulties in voicing sexual issues: contraception, speed of frictions, technology, fantasy.

If you catch yourself thinking that some of the symptoms are present with you, then you can choose one of the techniques and train until the complete withdrawal of the sexual clamp. They will create new neural connections and “teach” the body to relax and enjoy the process.

Fear of moving and making sounds

This technique will provide an opportunity to “rehearse” in a safe environment when no one sees you, including a partner. Here you can not be afraid to do something wrong and make a mistake. Just move, as during sex, make movements and sounds exaggeratedly strong - in the future it will help you find the right balance. You can even combine this practice with masturbation for greater realism.

Move in the basic positions that you apply with a partner, for example, in the missionary position - hips towards the partner, clasp his imaginary buttocks with your hands and direct his movements. Choose the most pleasant pace for you, and as the excitement increases, accelerate. For the "rider" you can put pillows, get comfortable and allow yourself to bend the lower back in time with the movement, move your arms, touch yourself, not hold your breath and sounds.

Over time, the fear of doing something is not going away, and you completely relax, no longer controlling every movement.

Inability to listen to the sensations

This exercise will help consciously live the excitement and its physical manifestations. Alone with yourself or with a partner, allow yourself to feel the shades of sensations (how he strokes you, how the silk sheets feel back, how the abdominal muscles tense), and what you particularly like and distract from pleasure.

As soon as thoughts begin to replace sensations, having fixed it, return to the body: feel the breath, the warmth of the skin, the characteristics of touch. As you exhale, relax. This is a very useful exercise, which will help to release the control and more often experience a vaginal orgasm, which is possible only with a complete “disconnection” of the head.

Fear of talking about sex

This block is usually physically manifested in the form of a clip in the throat, tongue and lips. If you often clench your jaw during sex, then you want to say something to your partner and you cannot.

At home, you can practice: to remove the unit to talk, start with a pleasant one. Regularly share with your partner feelings, learn to describe them as detailed as possible. For example, not just a pleasant assessment of “It was divine!”, But sweetly sipping on the bed, whispering, narrowing my eyes: “Mmm, my love, this time I especially liked how you took my hips, your hands were so hot, from them a wave of excitement passed through the whole body. ”

Practice putting all passion into the sound, so that in one of your “Oh, how great it was!” He heard that you were in seventh heaven with bliss. At first it can be embarrassing, especially if you have never said that before. If you can not overpower yourself, try to write to your partner about this, most people find it easier to express such thoughts in writing.

As you are liberated, you will be able to write and tell him very detailed and frank things that will strengthen the emotional connection.

3 techniques to overcome the sexual barriers

About the Author

Galina Dmitrieva - Psychologist-sexologist Training Center "Sex.RF" , author of the training "The Art of Sensuality."

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